The Bachelorette...Trainwreck TV at it finest!

Holy Man Code, Batman!

Last night was the "Mancode" Version of Trainwreck TV...

I swear!

*

Scary Mike was still scary, and dumb, but awfully cute with the beard... I love facial hair!

He talked himself out of so many girls pants last night asking the audience of mostly women

"Hey, all you don't like it when a guy walks up to you and says... "Damn, you have a nice A**????"

To which the audience replied...

"NOOOOO" while emphatically shaking their heads.

DUH???

My hubby was shocked too. Bill is ManCode President.

I know... I know...

*

Surprise, Surprise... Wes DIDn't show up! THE COWARD!

I bet he was doing sell out performances in Chiuaua Mexico during the taping of that show.

He has sooo much bravado in the limo, and now... just like we all thought he was...

he is just a lowly snake.

*

All the men seemed to be supremely jealous of Jake, the perfect one.

I like Jake.

Everyone deserves a Jake to be married to.

I married a cross between Mike and Jake... a combo that just "does it" for me.

Sue me. *

Jason and Molly came back for a quick moment.

I almost threw up.

"nuff said.

*

REID... didn't make it... BUT they did show a quick cameo of him holding a ring

for NEXT WEEK!

I like Reid for Jillian.

I love Ed... but he's too easy of a catch... Reid made Jillian think, and fight, and wonder...

and that is just sooo appealing... admit it.

Next week, if ABC plays their cards right... should be one lie and deceitful entanglement after another.

ABC stands for

Another Bachelor Crapshoot

or

Another Bachelorette Canned

or

Awwwww Bachelors Can't

Yeah, after last season with Jason, they kind lost it... for me.

I love Ed! TRAINWRECK TV... The Bachelorette

Trainwreck TV... WASN'T so Trainwreck last night.

It was "Fantasy Suite" time... you know... the time when EVERYONE KNOWS they are all having selacious sex in the suite, but they all play it off like they didn't?

The Suite, where THEY CHEAT on all the other dudes or girls in the show?

The place where I WANT to believe it's just cuddling and kissing and not sex with 4 different partners on four different days.. ON NATIONAL TV!

Yeah... Jillian SHOCKED the hell out of me by NOT going to the Fantasy Suites with any of them but Ed... and with ED... she MADE SURE to say out loud for all of us to hear...

"We are going to sleep with our clothes ON, right?"

Ugh... what was I saying... IT WAS TOTALLY TRAINWRECK!!!

I was proud of her for not being slutty... but then she said that... and my stomach turned.

Just the fact that she HAD to say it... it should have been a given... blech!

***

Ding Dong the Wes is gone!!!!

The jerk was finally sent packing.

HE WAS A MAJOR A** at the final rose ceremony.

He said, "It's me... I'm going to home to have lots of sex" and smiled.

Ugh... he is SOOOO CREEPY!

You should have seen what he wore to dinner! He wasn't even trying!

In the limo, he was talking about the chains being gone, poured himself a MANLY beer, in a highball glass, no less, and says... "I've made Bachelorette history, I made it to the top 4 with a girlfriend at home. My acting days are over."

PLEASE...NO ONE BUY HIS WHACK ALBUM!

HE IS A TOTAL DOUCHE BAG!

He is right up there with Jason with me.

***

Ed. Ed. Ed. I love Ed.

He left for work, I think got fired or quit his job, to come back... and boy is he adorable.

He is my new favorite.

Kiptyn is still good... but she has reservations about him.

REID is a close second to Ed...for me, for her....

He is growing on me.

I like how he banters and teases and jokes with her.

Kiptyn makes fish lips when he kisses her.

Ed's the one.

He has to be.

***

I bet Wes doesn't show up for the "Men tell all" show.

And if he does happen to... he will probably be wearing a billboard of a picture of his album on his shirt or a huge piece of cardboard.

I hope the jerk Mike, punches him out.

That would be great.

***

Next week, they head off to Maui.

Hmmm....

The drama continues...

Da Da DA!...

The Bachelorette... TRAINWRECK TV at it's finest...

Wow... what D.R.A.M.A.on TRAINWRECK TV this week....

This week is was the time they all got to go home and have Jillian visit the boys in their hometowns and meet the future Monsters In Law.

*

Kiptyn's Mama had just a weeee bit too much Botox the day before... she couldn't "emote" as well as she probably could have in a few weeks. No one with a 30 year old son has THAT translucent of skin... I mean... really... we all have HD TV's now... we can SEE the needle holes now...

Their home was incredible though. I love San Diego.

*

Reid's family all just stopped... when Jillian and Reid kissed on the sofa... and called him out on it.

AWKWARD!!!!

*

I loved Michaels family... and he is an identical twin... but... that Jillian... she's a perceptive one... she figured it right out when... gasp... the boys did the ol' switcheroo...

Who would have guessed twins could trade places!!!

HOW TRULY ORIGINAL!!!

THEY SHOULD MAKE A MOVIE WITH THAT PREMISE!!! Maybe they could all it...

"The Parent Trap!"

I'm gonna make millions on that ORIGINAL idea!!!!

He was really heartbroken when he was dumped... and I really felt for him... he was adorable... just too young... no one needs to be married at 25...

*

Wes... Wes... Wes...

YOU. ARE. A. CLASS. A. JERKOFF!!!

"I don't lie well"... HA!!!

We know you are lying because we see your lips moving!!!

Of course, we had to hear his lame song again...

She got to meet his entire band, while they got TV time...

I hope Wes sells at least... oh... 5 CD's... that's it.

He's lame.

I hope he is the one that have a dysfunctional "appendage" when it's time for the "Fantasy Suites"...

JAKE came back and told Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend... all this drama ensued... the boys confronted one another... (Jake was kicked off last week, but came back to tell Jillian)

Wes... somehow... I didn't get it at all... sweet talked his way into Jillian good graces, and took her to meet is sisters and Mama's.

She is DUMB!!! She gave that loser a rose again!

He is sooo using her.

Someone needs to wake her up.

After the confrontation... Jake bent over a balcony and cried... Ala Jason style. It's becoming a normal thing now..

Man up... guys! This Metro Sexual thing is old!!!

***

Ed came back too.

Boy he is cute.

He left a couple of weeks ago because his boss threatened him he'd lose his job.

But he came back, and he asked for another chance and she gave it to him.

Even though I think Kiptyn is a shoe in... Ed is a really close second.

***

Next week they head to Spain.

Hopefully she will leave Wes there... maybe he can sweet talk the Spanish Senoritas and leave America alone. His song is lame. He sound like just the run of the mill country singer... nothing spectacular.

Can you tell I can't stand him?

So...Jillian is as annoying as ever...

We are a few steps closer to seeing who will dump her after a few short weeks of real life...

Oh... the anticipation is killing me!

*

Hey...My Melissa, from last season... got engaged!

"I'm too Perfect...It's my curse in life..."

Oh dear... oh my... oh lordy, lordy...

Gasp!

Screech!

Say what?

Huh???

Did my ears and eyes decieve me?

Could it really be true?

COULD someone be on The Bachelorette...merely to PROMOTE their career or just get

some TV face time????

NOOOOO!

Say it isn't so!!!!

Might some of those hot guys ACTUALLY have a girlfriend back home...

NO WAY!!!

***

Last night didn't disappoint...

I can't say I WATCHED the program, but I did hear it.

I glanced up from time to time from baking cookies for another catering job, to see what Jillian was doing with her lips this week, but other than that... the only part I really watched was

the part when the Not-out-of-the-closet-yet Tanner, Foot Fetish Guy, was telling Jillian that "some guys weren't here for the right reasons."

Oh yeah.. like wanting to suck, kiss and caress her FEET was a valid enough reason!!!

Blech!!!

***

She let I'm-gonna-hit-someone- Dave (not Mike... thanks Jo!) and I'm-a-total-Mama's-boy-Juan go.

Dave was extremely disrespectful, foul mouthed and just dirty before it was okay.. with Jillian.

and Juan... well... Juan was more of a woman than Jillian was...too soft... too, too...sensitive.

I love me a manly man, any day of the week.

***

Jillian actually said "I'm not that girl" when Dave told her he had never been turned down for a kiss before, (she turned her cheek when he went for it) too funny, and he commented on how she had kissed every other guy in the house, and she denied it.

That girl leaned in and expected and made the first move on more of those guys than any other girl on the show...

Just a tad bit slutty for me.

I remember the hot tub scene with Jason the jackass.

Her Daddy must be sooo proud!

Can you imagine?

***

I still love Jake for her.

And Ed.

Wes can kiss my happy butt... he's a fame seeker.

Kiptyn is absolutely adorable...his name is growing on me... cuz he is soooo cool.

He's actually my number 1 pick for her so far...

Jake fell down a notch with the "too perfect" analogy he and Jillian focused on.

Who SAYS this sentence on national TV?

"I've been called "too perfect" my whole life."

Really buddy?

Let's see you walk on water or turn water to wine...

Come on...

Bring it, if you are gonna say crap like that! LOL!

***

Sooo, true love and all the spoils of it are well on their way to another Trainwreck...

I wonder what Mike Fleiss and Chris Harrison have up their sleeve for this rendition of

"I love you endlessly... hey! Look at that hot girl over there!!! See ya!"

Maybe there's a firing squad at the final rose ceremony...

and Chris announces something like...

"On the next Bachelorette...Jillian loves two men... but can't stand to let anyone else have the one she doesn't choose... stay tuned next week, when Jillian orders a Firing Squad to gun down the Bachelor she can't be with, but also can't stand to lose, but also can't stand to see with anyone else...... On the next... Bachelorette!"

or...

Maybe Chris will make them each tattoo themselves with her picture and the one she doesn't choose... she has to remove it on camera...

Hey...

They televised Jason dumping my Melissa... they'll do anything for numbers.

The Bachelorette... AKA Trainwreck TV!

Is it just me?... or Did Jilliam LEAN IN on every. single. guy tonight!!!

She kissed made out with, and LEANED IN on every guy she was alone with!

Wow wee!

Guess that hot tub scene last season with Jason the Jackass, was just the prelude to the season a la Jillian.

***

Foot Fetish Dude got a rose... really Jillian? Still not freaked out? Hmmm...

***

I. LOVE. JAKE. The pilot... 'let's go get some Belgian Waffles in BELGIUM... Jake."

Yeah, he's right up my alley.

***

Wes, country dude... so just trying to promote his music.

***

I liked David... at first.. he was all tongue tied... sweet... now he's this "man possessed" and little on the scary side. I like scary... but not THAT scary.

***

So glad she got rid of naked in the pool dude...

Seriously... he admitted ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.. that his getting naked may have been the catalyst for his going home... AND MENTIONED THAT HE WAS 'HUNG LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH!" yikes!!!! I don't know too many men that would/could/should admit something like that on TV or anywhere, for that matter!

***

Oh, and wait till Jillian sees the show when the Dance instructor from New York, admits that he

PEED HIMSELF A LITTLE... HELLOOOOOOOOO!

See the pretty camera???? SHUT UP IN FRONT OF IT! Your FAMILY is watching!!!

***

Juan, Juan, Juan. I was soo on his side last week. Now... he's a little to 'heart on his sleeve' for me. He need to butch it up a little. His Mama surely babied him. She needs to run away... fast.

***

I think Jillian should let the guys take the lead on the kiss dept. Call me old fashioned... but she needs to play it a little more demure.

***

Oh... I SOOOO WANT HER PURPLE CONVERTIBLE!!!

Ugh... I HATE WHEN I SEE MY DREAM CARS and I'm not the one driving.

***

I like Mike, Jake, and Kiptyn so far for her...

What? No one TOLD ME!!!!!

oooohhh BOY!

I didn't know!

I truly DID. NOT. KNOW!

I had NO IDEA!

None!

Zilch!

Zippo!

Nada!

Niente!

Did you know?

Did you keep it from me?

NO ONE TOLD ME TRAINWRECK TV WAS BACK!!!!

helloooooo!

The Bachelorette!

Come on!

Since I don't watch commercials anymore, because of my DVR, and only watching taped shows when I can, I HAD NO IDEA THE BACHELORETTE WAS ON!!!

I thought for sure they would have canceled that stupid franchise, after last seasons debacle!

But nooooo...

So... my DVR taped it anyway, even though I didn't set it... it saw The Bachelor wasn't taken off to tape, and went ahead and did it for the Ladies version... plus, Dancing with the Stars went over and it taped 4 minutes of Bachelorette, and then... my heaven opened up and all was right with the world again... true, lasting love reigneth supreme...

Too much fun!

I did like Jillian.

Soooooo... without further adieu, Tuesdays will now be replete with The Bachelorette Fodder!

The season of TRAINWRECK TV has begun!

Oh what a summer it's gonna be!

True love, romance, fake dates, fake tans, fake smiles, lots of six packs, loads of hair gel...

Oh the summer is gonna be fun!

***

So she had her pick last night.

Hmmmm...

She looks lovely. Truly lovely.

But some of those guys... YIKES!!!

I don't know their names yet... but give me a minute...

There are two Tanner's, and a Kiptyn... (he must have been BEAT UP in school)

and some dude from either Glasgow or Ireland... with the cockneyest accent, THEY HAD TO PUT SUBTITLES ON THE SCREEN WHEN HE SPOKE... ENGLISH!!!!!

***

Already, the break dancer bugs me.

I do like Kiptyn for her... just need to get past the Bohemian name.

The one that lost his words at the first meeting, and got the First Impression Rose, totally cute,nice teeth, didn't like him at first... do now.

The FOOT FETISH guy... CREEEEPY! And a total pinhead.

LOVED THE PILOT, THE ARGENTINIAN contractor, and few others...

But the two that bugged me were the Country singer dude... (wannabe Kenny Chesney)

and Foot Fetish Fool.

I have to admit, I fell asleep during the rose ceremony, so late tonight, I'm going to have to re watch and see who she picked, or just wait for next weeks episode...yeah.. I'll wait.

So...I'm off to make a new post header for the new show...

Ahhh... something to write about on Tuesdays for the next 10 weeks.

Such fun!

No Deanna... WHATEVER!!!! Trainwreck TV... The Bachelor

OH. MY. CRAP!

ABC....I %$&@$ HATE YOU!!!

I can not believe it!

First of all, WHAT'S WITH THE SOFT CORE PORN IN THE HOT TUB WITH JILLIAN!

HELLOOOOOO!

YOUNG GIRLS WATCH THIS AND BELIEVE THIS IS HOW TRUE LOVE IS FOUND!

Oh, and while I'm at it...

Can you maybe NOT pull in so closely on the kissing so we can see not only the tongueage... but the couples taste receptors?

I mean REALLY!

I can see they are kissing... I don't need to count their teeth!

***

There is no need to say how completely pissed off I am that YET AGAIN... DEANNA DID NOT MAKE AN APPEARANCE...

I NOW OWE MAMAKAT 20 FREAKIN' BUCKS!

Another two hours... down the drain... with not so much as a scene buster!

CURSE YOU ABC!!!

CURSE YOU, I SAY!

***

Oh... and Jillian!

I really liked her! Much more so than Molly!

I knew her minutes were numbered when he said, while they were perched on the side of the mountain after the helicopter ride, that "She will be my friend forever..."

Yeah... she was done then.

She is sooo cool!

The whole hot dog thing... the quirky Canadian "Accent".

God... does she have great hair!

She needs to be the next bachelorette. NO! Please not the facelift, shiny faced Stephanie!

No... I couldn't handle an entire season of

"Oh, my man needs to be carressed and cared for like no other man in the world" in her Southern

accent.

No... I just couldn't stomach the airy voice and the "I'm living in fairytale land" speak.

***

Did you see... did you see... at the very end, the toast, when Jason was talking about going home to introduce the leftovers to Tye... HE NEVER ONCE LOOKED AT MOLLY!

So sad!

Molly... 'he's just not that into you!"

***

Tonight really pissed me off...yeah again...

The girls HAD to say they Loved him. I know they did!

That sucks!

What girl wants to be the first one to say something like that... on TV especially!

He said himself...

'I can't say what I'm feeling, so it was important they told me how hey felt." or something like that.

THAT SUCKS!

And Jason... really? It matters THAT much that you didn't meet your future inlaws?

Really?

These 'relationships' last all of a nanosecond after the shows finale, and you are THAT upset about it? Hmmmm.... Not that important!

So they are private people, that don't want all their dirty laundry all over the world...

be happy, you may be protected like that too, by them, someday!

IF you two make it... you are moving her butt to Seattle anyway... so Sunday Dinners with Mom and Dad inlaws are out anyway...

Deal with it!

***

I'm over Deanna showing up.

She will, she won't , she will, she won't...

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Oh, hell, yes I do!

IT HAS TO BE NEXT WEEK....

IT HAS TO!

I'm going to go fold laundry.

Laundry doesn't lead me on.

It doesn't tease me.

It just smells nice out of the dryer, and makes me feel safe.

FINALLY DEANNA AND JASON REUNITE... NEXT WEEK!

OMG!!! Like... Jillian, like, said , like, like, 487 times. like... like... like...

If ANYTHING makes ANYONE sound not ready for marriage or up for raising a child...

it's ANYONE that says LIKE, LIKE A MILLION, LIKE, TIMES.... LIKE!

COOOOMMMMEEE OOONNNNNNN!

Enough already with the Valley Girl speech.

Perhaps I should have prefaced this post with the warning that I am

PMS'ING THIS WEEK... AND EVERYTHING PISSES ME OFF!

But I digress...

Ahem.

Trainwreck TV did not disappoint again... but THIS time... the trainwreck was not one of the bachelorettes... oh no! THIS weeks trainwreck award goes to

Naomi's creepy parents! Especially Mama! Woo!

That family probably has the men with straight jackets on speed dial with her around!

Holy Frijole!

So sad... she lives about 30 minutes away from me. I'm moving.

Yikes!

Where... upon meeting your daughters boyfriend (who happens to be cheating on her with 3 other women, on national television) does ANYTHING say it is okay to

ask said boyfriend to say a eulogy over a dead, wrapped bird, that you said

committed suicide in honor of the occasion, into your car. WHERE... I ASK YOU!

I was so happy to see that Naomi was appropriately mortified.

And Daddy... yikes...

I love me some Jesus... I am a believer and all that jazz... but to shove it down someones

throat within minutes of meeting someone, and then telling that someone that they should really think about accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior...

What ever happened to actions speaking louder than words?

People will come to know Him by our lives...not our mouths...

Cuckoo!

Molly's Mom was TAME compared to Naomi's Indigo Adult Mama.

Did you see Jason's face when Naomi's Dad was preaching? Yeah... he was waaaay spooked.

***

Melissa's parents? Rude much? Yes, but to each his own. They never even went to her Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader games... so whatever.

She is still completely adorable, a little to addicted to the short shorts... (maybe still in Cheerleader mode), but her friends were very nice.

***

Molly...nice family... but she HAS to go next...I just know it.

***

THEN... THEN... THE PREVIEWS WERE THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE SHOW!

Deanna shows up in NEW FREAKIN' ZEALAND next week.

I can finally feel whole! Blossom to be the woman I was always meant to be...

Okay...I'll stop...

ABC finally heeded my nasty letters (none) and brought her to the show... FINALLY!

It's about freakin' time!

I wouldn't have watched past the first show if they hadn't played that tasty little morsel of

preview with Miss Deanna on it.

Ohh... they are goooood.

She makes him CRY!!!

She says she makes a mistake!

But wait... what if she says that just to help Jason not make the same mistake!

What if she is there only to help him... and NOT TO THROW A WRENCH IN TO THE MIX!

Noooooo!

I will have watched in vain!!!!

I know this does not make me popular with the people that ADORE this show and

believe that only true, long lasting love is found on this show...

Sue in "Colorado" (Ohio) LOL!

But... what great TV it would make if he CHOSE DEANNA INSTEAD OF THE OTHER GIRLS!

It would seal their fates of being tabloid fodder for years to come!

Gasp!

What if ... gulp... a bachelor... ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED...!

Then it would make all the other horrible pair ups on the show worthwhile... wouldn't it?

I mean... I believe this show will continue UNTIL a Bachelor ties the proverbial knot, and they can finally say the show worked.

Trina, Trisha? whoever,and the fireman don't apparently count.

Sooo...another long week... of waiting... bit bated breath until the return of

beloved Deanna... heartbreaker extraordinare...

{{sigh}}

Until next week...

Adieu... Adieu... parting is such sweet sorrow...

The Bachelor... Will Deanna finally show her face?

STAY TUNED FOR TONIGHTS EPISODE!!!

DUN... DUN... DUNNNNN!

The crazy dove lady, FROM THE FUTURE!!!

Melissa no show parents... OH NO!

Will Deanna FINALLY SHOW UP???

Did you see the list of questions from one of the Mama's? Yikes!

I'll be fast forwarding all the commercials to blog about it as soon as possible...

STAY TUNED!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THE POST HEADER I MADE FOR IT?

***

***ETA..

It's hailing right now... outside...little round pellets of hard ice...

How do you guys do it with snow!!! I'm having a cow knowing I have to drive in this rain and hail, and don't want them to dent my precious car!!!

Yikes!

It's been raining for 4 days... I love it... we need it... but HOLY COW... ENOUGH ALREADY!

Deanna... I can't seeeee youuuuu! The Bachelor...

Okay.

I'm getting juussst a little ticked off right now.

They teased and teased and teased and teased...

They said she would come back.

The stupid show is almost over...

WHERE IS SHE!

I NEED MY DEANNA!

I NEED HER TO THROW A WRENCH INTO THIS WHOLE THING!

{{gaining composure now}}

Ahem.

Well... it was yet another fun filled night of too much makeup (Stephanie and Naomi), wispy, floaty southern accent voices, loads of concealer (Stephanie), incomparable cuteness (Melissa),

bad ponytails (Molly) and semi guard down of (Jillian), who is my second pick for Jason.

Two hours of my life I will never get back.

Since Shannon, Megan and a couple of others left... it was sorta boring tonight.

***

On part of the show really got my dander up.

Why... and I mean WHY... would ANY parent ask ANY child if they want them to go out?

Jason... DID YOU REALLY THINK YOUR THREE YEAR OLD SON WOULD SAY...

'Yes Daddy, please go and have a great time... I'll just be here sleeping while you go boink 5 hotties.'

YOU ARE THE PARENT!

PARENTS DO NOT ASK THEIR CHILDREN PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE!

Holy Cow!

This whole movement to give kids "power" is ridiculous!

OOps... off the subject... back to TRAINWRECK TV!

Except... only semi trainwrecks were left... Naomi and Stephanie... well, until tonight for OLD

Stephanie.

I felt so badly for her. I really did.

I was going to make fun of her blush application technique, and her love of talking like she was in

a Jane Austen novel, her shiny face and the fact that SHE IS NOT 34 yrs old!

But I won't.

She left with grace and dignity, and she really is a sweetheart.

Maybe she'll meet the man of her dreams now... some rich 50 year old, with grown daughters, to spoil her and her daughter. OR, some young, hot, 34 year old who wants more kids, and doesn't mind having them with a woman 15 years his senior.

She really was a trooper though. She didn't break down, or say how wonderful she was... she was all about others.

That was nice.

Not good TV... but nice.

***

Naomi... a totally different story. Was it just me...or did I miss the entire Naomi past discussion?

What she a hooker in the past? What she a drug addict?

What! They didn't talk about it!

But then Chris brought up the past and I was like... WHAAATTT!

Ugh!

***

I still love Melissa for him.

Ohhhh! and did you see??? Next week her parents don't want to be on camera!

Dun... Dun... Dun..

{{That was scary music}}

Will that be the end for Melissa?

NO!

Is that the opening for Deanna?

Hmmmmm....

I don't like being lied to.

ABC better get their act together and bring me my Deanna return...

Good, bad or indifferent... she had better show up!

They said she would!

***

OMG... things are looking good for Naomi next week... her looney Mama... yes, and fellow Californian... wants him to bury a DOVE with the family, and MAKE HIM SAy THE EULOGY of said Dove.

PULLLEEEZZZEEE!

Now THAT'S good Trainwreck TV!

I have to wait 6 whole days for the next one.

Crap.

Stay Tuned...

Stay Tuned for tonight's episode of

TRAINWRECK TV!

Oh... and for Sue in Colorado or Ohio (which is where your ISP says you are from)

You can just keep your trash talking mouth off my blog.

I welcome banter and opposing opinions... but you are just downright mean and looney.

Okay... that's all I'll write about HER!

I am also going to write about the show right after it aptly named True Beauty.

Holy Cow. If you love watching people get their just desserts, you will LOVE this stupid show!

One chick, Chelsea, has this crooked, wicked, evil smile thing she does with her

face that literally makes me jump back 2 feet from my TV!

Yikes!

These people are seriously delusional!

What fun!

Okay... see you tonight! Right After Bachelor!

I have my home appraiser here... he's measuring my house.

He called me Mrs. Shaver. I told him Mrs. Shaver is my Mother in Law, to call me Saundra,

he gave me a weird look.

Hmmm.... I got "no sense of humor" guy! Lucky me!

No, I'm not moving. We are building a new master bathroom suite and re plastering our pool and extending one of the boys' bedrooms to include a ManCave!

Too cool!

C u 2 nite!

***

ETA!

Edited to Add... (I learned that from MamaKat)

I got an award from a loyal reader!

Here it is!

It's from Annie Friedrick... and I can't thank her enough!

Oh...yes I can... hop on over to her site and get a giggle or two!!!

Thank you! Grazie'! Molto Buone Fortuna!

Trainwreck TV Monday... The Bachelor... no Deanna... again

Monday Night, on ABC, DID NOT disappoint...

This weeks episode was thrilling... I am speechless... okay.. I'm not... because that would be stupid on a blog... to be speechless I mean... Ahhh! I have soooo much to say!

I have a little bit of advice, commentary and okay, cattyness and unabashed "not so nice"things to say about some of these "ladies".

Let it be known... right now... I am a girl's girl. I love giving compliments to beautiful women, I don't hate women upon seeing them because they are gorgeous, I don't automatically assume someone is a slut just by looking at her... Ask my hubby... I am ALWAYS telling him how lovely or fantastic someone either looks or is when we are out.

THAT BEING SAID... I AM NOW GOING TO BASH THEM LIKE CRAZY!

Holy NERVOUS BREAKDOWN BATMAN!!!

Some of these girls are lunes!

Shannon -Holy Crap! STOP whitening your teeth... you have NO LIPS! You are alllll teeth! Two words Shannon... MAKE. UP. Use some. Embrace it. Make friends with the blush brush. Spend less money on the teeth, and a little on some Bare Escentuals "Tulip" blush.

Only $32... give me your address... I'll send you some!

And Shannon... here's how I spell stalker now...S.H.A.N.N.O.N. I hope you see yourself on the show and realize how CREEPY you are when you stare at the door or at someone who just walked in the door at 6 a.m..

YOU ARE ON THE BACHELOR... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU WOULD BE SHARING A MAN?

Clue: Don't beg a man to do anything. Gives them WAY too much power...

"I'm not letting you let me go... I want to come home to you... I want to be Tye's mother..."

Ya gotta go back to dating 101. You. Scare. Me.

***

Megan - He canned your A**!!! Ha ha!!! Neener Neener! Go talk trash on another show... like the one with the has been rocker or that one with the idiot with the clock as a necklace!

You are not a nice girl... do your baby a favor... don't tell him or show him the video of this part of your life. Ever.

***

Naomi said "Ascared" for scared. TWICE! and "LIKE" is not an adverb. You must have said it 1000 times in a minute. Like... I like you, like, and like You are so, like cute... blagh!!!!"

Grow up and use the English Language... go with it... be free to use "like" as the 'intro to a simile' it was meant to be now and then.

***

Lauren, Lauren, Lauren...Really? Telling him to give you the rose or else? Really?

You thought THAT was cute? In bed, maybe 3-4 years down the road, after a couple of kids, as an "added extra" to spice things up... you can be the Dominatrix Lauren... but on National TV?

Ummmmm. no. I know a lot of people from New Jersey... and they aren't like you... you give them a bad name. But... you are gone... so my work here is done.

***

Melissa... you are still my girl crush. I just think you and Jason are perfect. That is...of course... until Deanna comes and steals him away... I'm sorry Melissa... but you are the PERFECT candidate for the next Bachelorette! But... if Mamakat's sister is correct, and I have a sneaking suspicion she might be, Deanna, may just show up to give advice... in which case, you are my number one pick again. You are just too cute for words. If I were a guy... I'd be totally into you. If I "played for the other team" you would so be my type... but alas...

I like big, hairy, green eyed men named Bill, that snore incessantly and worry whether carrying a camera bag looks like a purse...(sigh)

***

Stephanie... you are not 34. You're not! 44, even 54... yes. Not 34.

Though you ARE lovely... you just can't be that age. And honey... men like subserviant women (I guess, having never been one... I can't speak from experience)... but come ON ALREADY! You are setting women back 100 years!

In an unreal, dreamy, southern accented voice you said someting like... "Well, if I were in love... I would just go with my man... anywhere he wanted... so we could be a family...together... always... forever... that's what I would do." Barf!

AND HE KEPT YOU!!!

WHY!!!

Even poor, nervous breakdown any moment Nikki, was better than you!

That girl is gorgeous! Nuts... but gorgeous. Those cameramen couldn't keep that camera off her

"twins"... although.. who could blame them.. they are SPECTACULAR!

***

Oh Deanna... come rescue Jason. Please. You are waiting far too long.

Make him cry... then get on with it, and propose TO HIM!

***

Readers... don't hate... I know she broke his heart... but we all make mistakes.

They are so cute together... but he does so fit with Melissa too.

***

I love this stupid, trainwreck of a show.

I sure hope my men never want to be on it.

The home date... would NOT BE PRETTY!

***

My two cents worth...

"Although this show gives men a very bad impression of women... it can still teach the youngin's what NOT to do... therefore... being a service to society as a whole... albeit a trainwreck... but still... a service."

The Bachelor: No Deanna tonight...

No Deanna with a D,

but there sure was Drama with a D!

Holy Psychohags Batman!

Did you see the train wreck tonight?

How are these girls ever going to tell their one day daughters how to

act around men?

How are they going to show their faces again!

Cripe!

I have a crush on Melissa... soooo cute. Kinda normal.

I saw her on another show when she was auditioning for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

(My boys were fixated on that show when it aired... hmmmm...wonder why)

Anyway... Shannon.

Holy Moly Shannon.

That dental hygenist, "I know everthing there is to know about you and your entire family", stalker chick Shannon.

Dig a hole, and put your HEAD IN IT! Don't come out until you apologize

to your Mama and Dad for making such a fool of yourself!

CCCrrreeeepppyyyyy!

Then the whole "I feel like I'm gonna throw up..."

Uh... Shannon... MEEEE TOOOOOO!

Oy Vay!

God I love this stupid show!

***

Then the 34 year old... Stephanie? The one that really looks 50 with the face lift that a doctor that got just a little bit carried away with the "lift' part of the visit.

He flew her cute daughter in for her... but my, my, my did she just

make my skin crawl... She looks more like a Mama for him...

***

Megan. Megan. Megan.

She... is a weirdo.

She... is bad news.

She...is gonna kick some A&% if she stays another week.

Did you hear what she said during the bust making date?

"I am such a giving person, to go 10 days without someone telling me how I've changed their lives is really hard for me... so doing this for breast cancer was just so awesome"

GAG ME WITH A PITCHFORK!!!

She did not care on bit what the bust was for.

She needed an opportunity to talk about how fabulous she thinks she is.

Yikes... what a fake!

Look at me! I'm so awesome! I give and give and give... (vomit).

***

I forgot the gorgeous brunette's name with the HUGE breasts that even I stare at.

The one that was at a loss for words during the bust date, that wore the

gorgeous red, orange and black, cleavage showing gown for the rose ceremony...

yeah... when she came on..I sent hubby out on an errand.

She was too hot for words.

If she stays... Bill is not allowed to watch it with me.

***

I want Deanna to show up already!!!

Quick... before he gets too serious! Although it wouldn't hurt my feelings

if he chose Melissa. She is a doll.

***

I bet if Melissa doesn't get chosen, she will be the next Bachelorette.

I'm done with The Bachelor Train Wreck TV recap.

Thanks for joining me on this edition.

Tune in next Monday to see if Deanna arrives!

Until then...

We get a NEW PRESIDENT tomorrow!!!

Wooooo hoooooo!

Bye Bye George... Hello Obama!

***

Until tomorrow...

Jason and Deanna... is tonight the night?

Holy Cow... Monday is finally here!!!

More of the train wreck that is The Bachelor is going to be on tonight.

Since I hate commercials and am extremely impatient, I have to wait for the show to go

on for about 1/2 an hour so I can skip all the commercials and just watch all the stuff I want.

***

Is tonight the night Deanna Makes her appearance?

Ohhhh, I hope so!

Those other girls have nothing on her... except that maybe they didn't BREAK HIS HEART

IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE... but I still like her for him.

Who among us hasn't done something really stupid and lived to regret it?

Granted... it didn't happen in FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE... but I digress.

Those in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones... and all that.

***

Let's all breathe... in... out... in ... out... and channel the energy that is the love of the Bachelor Series of trainwrecks, and wish happy thoughts to the

contestants. May they all find the loves of their lives... just not Jason.

His heart will hopefully belong to Deanna.

I do hate to see a grown man cry.

Those of you who think this whole thing is mindless drivel, not worth wasting time on...

skip this post and move along. I'll be back tomorrow... back to normal... but on Monday's...

Monday's are for exercises in futility.

Monday evenings are for my guilty pleasure that is The Bachelor.

Long live Trainwreck TV!

Please feel free to leave me a comment on who you would like Jason to end up with...

I love friendly banter... I won't hate you if you don't like Deanna for him.

Much.

***

Okay... show is over... and the cat fights began tonight! Sooo stupid!

I just want to slap these girls... I don't dare use the word... ladies, or women... they are just

too insecure for words!

I do, however, adore little Melissa. She seems the most... oh..how do I say this... the most

nonevasive at this point. The tall one with the little girl, she is scary.

So is Shannon... the tooth fairy one. Who tells a guy you know EVERYTHING about him... and expect it to not sound like you are crazy! Yikes!

If I had a daughter, and she wanted to go on this show... I would move out of the U.S.

Holy cow!

For all the girls out there dating and wondering why Mr. Right hasn't come along... watch this show and if you act or do any of the things these girls do and say... start doing the opposite.

Nuff' said. I'm going to bed now.

Jason and Deanna... together again???

Okay...I am NOT a romantic girl...

I don't need/want flowers (they die){I'll take 'em if they have roots, cuz then I can enjoy them all the time} I don't need/want my hubby to tell me he loves me all the time,

I don't need tons of hugs and kisses, {I love 'em... just not ALL the time}, he doesn't HAVE to buy me gifts for holidays or birthdays...

grand gestures don't do it for me... I'm a simple girl... if he is in my bed every night, and

we talk like we are friends AND lovers, and we do nice things for each other

and we LIKE and not only Love each other... I'm good. I do, however, always appreciate something sparkly and shiny that gets mined, but it HAS to be his idea... I would NEVER remind my hubby about a birthday or anniversary... ever, I just don't play that game.

***

THAT being said... imagine my hubby's surprise that I MUST watch grown women and men make complete FOOLS OF THEMSELVES on THE BACHELOR/BACHLORETTE series, with all the fake laughing and compliment giving. It would never occur to him that I would like a series about hopeless romantics. {Bill likes romance... he is very much the opposite of me....even though he is a big bad construction contractor)

O. M. G!!!!!

Tonight was the first one of the Jason (dumped by the fabulously beautiful, and oh so stupid Deanna) and 25 women.

I Tivo'd it... and jumped ahead to the juicy parts I wanted to see, and skipped a lot...

but HOLY COW!!! THE PREVIEWS WERE HEART WRENCHINGLY WONDERFUL

(read horrifying).

People... this is one of my guilty pleasures.

DEANNA comes back!!!

I KNEW SHE WOULD... I JUST KNEW SHE WOULD!!!

I was SCREAMING at the TV last season when she said no to Jason!!!

I TOLD her she made a mistake!

That snowboarding dude was NOT FOR HER!

I really wanted to believe she loved... what's his name... see! I can't even remember his name!

But I just didn't SEE it!

I know... I know... the economy is crappy, people are losing their jobs, the homeless are cold and hungry... and here I am gesticulating about some dude on TV who has the

enviable position of choosing one of 25 drop dead gorgeous women to marry him...

Or should I say... get engaged to him for a minute and a half just so I can read about the break up 2 minutes from then.

I CAN'T HELP IT!!!

That stupid DVR is the wonder and bane of my existence!

Oh!!! What is Jason to do!

Does he take Deanna back?

Does he engage himself to someone else... only to break her heart and call Deanna on the phone at the last minute to say he wants her after all?

Does Deanna fly overhead in a helicopter trying to stop the final rose ceremony and pledge her love to Jason in a flight suit with a bottle of Champagne?

Oooooh... this season is gonna be good.

I have grown impatient with TV and only watch the parts I want to...

so if I miss anything ... let me know!

Call me dumb... but I hope he chooses Deanna again. They just made a great couple... and I really think she loved Jason and not Snowboard Dude.

She was just being contrary...

Sure makes for interesting TV...

Okay...I feel better now that that's off my chest...

Hubby just got home... I can't wait to show him the train wreck!