Before I was a Mama...

Before I was a Mama

Before I was a Mama

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mama-

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mama

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mama

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mama

Before I was a Mama -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mama -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

The joy,

The love,

The heartache,

The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mama

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mama.

Because behind every successful mother... Is a basket of dirty laundry.

Ciao!

MIXED MARRIAGES: PART 1

Mixed marriages can be tricky. No, not racial or religious mixes… I’m talking about the mixing in marriages that takes place in probably every single marriage in the world. You know… the important things like… oh… off the top of my head…

Snorers & Non snorers Spenders vs Savers Hoarders vs Purgers Starting to get a little uncomfortable in your chair now? No worries… I’m only going to talk about Snorers and Non Snorers today. Yes, I know we all love our spouses… in sickness and health, for richer, for richer yet (hey, you said your vows one way, I said mine my way… ) till death do us part (you will be very missed, honey) I get all that! BUT, SISTA, PLEASE!!! In 16 years, I have yet to have a good night sleep!!! Bill snores so loudly the paint is chipping off the walls from all the vibrations!

I remember one night, Bill had worked for 24 hours straight, came home and went straight to bed. That same evening, I had a PC meeting at my house. We usually play music and there is lots of talking and stuff, but at one point during the meeting, there was a lull in the action, and what resonates throughout the house through 2 rooms and wall and a door, but Bill’s huge, loud, booming, snore from hell!!!

I just put my head down, and said “Welcome to my nightmare!” to all the ladies. It was so funny, and of course, I told Bill about it afterward.

He just smiled and went back to sleep.

Now… I’m not saying I don’t sleep loudly from time to time, but I know! I know for a fact that I don’t do what he does.

So if I seem unduly cranky all the time… IT’S FROM LACK OF SLEEP! I earned a trip to Miami a few years back and Bill and I went alone. We were so excited to have a few days to ourselves.

We could be true adults, doing adult things without the kids around all the time.

It… was… awful!!! The weather was humid and Bill’s body does not do well in humidity.

I think that guys body goes into overdrive and becomes an allergy factory.

HE SNORED SO LOUDLY, I literally slept in the bathtub to get away from the noise

(THANK GOD, Pampered Chef always puts us in 5 star hotels, because the bathroom and bathtub were like a spa!)

For FOUR (4) days, I did not sleep but 2 hours. Every time I looked at Bill, I pictured his head in a guillotine. I know, not nice… but I was so sleepy, and cranky, and whiney, and weepy.

I felt just like I did when I had the Baby Blues.

Sleep deprivation does some CRAZY things to people. To be fair, those of us that THINK we don’t snore can be pretty annoying too.

The “holier than thou” mannerism isn’t pretty, nor does it do anything productive.

I have joked that he needs to build me another bedroom, but I know that isn’t conducive to a good marriage, and I was really just kidding anyway, sort of, yeah, I was just kidding. Bill is working out of town this weekend, and last night was one of the rare nights I slept through the entire night without waking up… and I feel so bad when I get giddy about him having overnight, out of town work, but a girl needs to get an uninterrupted night of sleep from time to time. That poor guy thinks I am a great wife for WANTING him to take his annual hunting trip for a week in August with his Dad and other guys. Male bonding and all that jazz… but secretly, it is for me. One full week of snoreless sleep. I am the WORST. WIFE. EVER! I know I snore too. My roommates in Chicago or whatever other city I travel to for business tell me I do. I feel badly, then ask them what it sounds like. It still isn’t as bad as my honeys, any day of the week. OOPS , here comes that “Holier than thou” attitude again… What a vicious cycle. Anyone else deal with snorers? Bill tells me all the time… “Saundra, if I go before you… you’re gonna miss that snoring” In my sleepy stupor I say “Try me”

Worst. Wife. Ever. Ciao, Ciao!

A friend is like...

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

Hard to Find Supportive Comfortable Always Lifts You Up Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging

Playing Catch Up

This past week, no scratch that... this past month has been a whirlwind of activity.

I needed a mental break last night and decided to check out my ever expanding DVR (Tivo-ish) recordings and just veg out.

I had Dancing W/Stars, and Idol, and Oprah's oh my! I deleted lots of shows because, truly, were they worth it?? NO!

Sometimes an Oprah show will catch my attention and I will actually watch it...(remember my hair cutting experiment... yeah...)

So one of her episodes I didn't delete was the one about the pregnant dude.

Well, I knew from the title that the dude HAD to have been a woman some time in his/her lifetime, and sure enough, he/she was.

Here's what I can't figure out... the media and Oprah keep calling her a man... he/she may look like one, but he/she has a UTERUS, AND OVARIES AND A FALLOPIAN TUBE, & in my book, he/she's a girl that LOOKS like a man, having a baby.

I would have LOVED it if Bill could have had a couple of kids for us... I would have had 6! BUT... HE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT PLUMBING, because HE'S a MAN!

I just really wanted to scream at the TV and shake them up and tell them to stop calling that very nice person on the TV that looked like a man, but had indoor plumbing... a MAN!

They made it sound like a REAL man was pregnant, and I was like...yahoooo, maybe I will have a few more kids... "Honey... whatcha doin for the next 9 months?"

I don't mean to sound like a prude. That girl had her breasts removed and took testosterone and grew a little bit of outdoor plumbing, and grew facial hair and wears men's clothing... fine... whatever floats his/her boat. Live and let live and all that stuff.

But to say "A man is pregant" is not the whole truth, and it insults me as a woman.

Oprah should know better than that.

I guess it's all about the "hook" for TV and not truth.

I hope that person's baby is happy and healthy and lives well. I also hope it knows that "Daddy" is really part "Mama".

Now if a guy really got pregant, and was having a baby... THAT would be news, and I would want to be that guys AGENT! Wow!

I am just supremely happy that I am a woman.

I am woman, and I just roared.

Happy Friday All!

Ciao!

I made my mind up about High School for Will!

Well, its decided... yeah, yeah, I know... even though I paid the registration fee... I have decided to send Will to ACA next year for High School.

Today, at Alex's play, a bunch of Mama's and I were chatting and their older kids all transferred to ACA for High School. They made the school sound like heaven on earth. So, I called, spoke to Admissions, set up the time for Will's placement test, and our meeting with the school faculty and got the ball rolling.

There are bunch of steps to take before it is all confirmed... but at least I made a decision. It was really bugging me!

They have an awesome athletic program and only about 600 students total from 7-12 grade. So the student to teacher ratio is gonna be awesome.

Mama might have to get a J-O-B to cover tuition... or just step up my Pampered chef biz 3 fold.

Let's hope I don't have to do either. I haven't had a real job in 15 years. After owning my own biz for 8 years, I would make an awful employee!

Maybe I'll start my own company! I have always wanted to teach customer service skills and interviewing skills to people! Who knows!

So, I bought a bunch of yarn today... gonna make a couple afghans for the kids teachers for end of year gifts. I'm happy... tired.. but happy.

Tomorrow is Friday... and the calendar is

EMPTY!!!

YEAH FRIDAY!!!

CIAO!

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

From Saundra: If the news gets you down... if your friends aren't living up to your expectations, if you have experienced a hardship, if just want to know if you can undo what's been done...

realize, know, internalize, that you too... will rise.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT...

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WAKE UP WITH REGRETS,

SO LOVE THE PEOPLE WHO TREAT YOU RIGHT,

PRAY FOR THOSE WHO DON’T,

BELIEVE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. IF YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE,

GRAB IT WITH BOTH HANDS.

IF IT CHANGES YOUR LIFE, LET IT.

NOBODY SAID LIFE WOULD BE EASY.

THEY JUST PROMISED IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. FRIENDS ARE LIKE BALLOONS; ONCE YOU LET THEM GO,

YOU CAN’T GET THEM BACK. SO I’M GONNA TIE YOU TO MY HEART,

SO I NEVER LOSE YOU.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY VII

CUTE!

LOOK AT THESE CUTE PENGUINS!

I know, for some it's vulgar, but it explains the price perfectly!!!

Yep.

I'm a copycat... sue me.

Okay, today, I couldn't have an original thought if it bit me in the buttocks.

Sooo, I am copying Letti's idea and asking, no scratch that, pleading, no not that

I AM ON MY KNEES... BEGGING YOU TO COMMENT ON THIS DANG BLASTED BLOG SO I CAN SEE YOU, EVEN IF JUST FOR A SECOND!!

You see, I have a new philosophy, (also stolen from letti's comment section) that

COMMENTS = LOVE

INSERT SOFT MUSIC HERE...

Here is how my imagination runs wild when I don't see ANY comments on some of my posts... but I know you are there, because my Statcounter tells me everyday that you are... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE UNLESS YOU COMMENT!

Below is the imaginary conversation you and I are having in my head when you don't comment...

Me: Hi, here is my world, in written form, read me!

You: Thanks, I will, but when you ask a question, I will not answer you.

Me: But why! It only takes a second, and I don't even ask you to type that stupid word when you comment!

You: I know, but I am so busy, and besides, I like that you don't know I have been here. I don't want you to get a bigger swelled head from your delusion of grandeur...

Me: But didn't you have an opinion of what I said? Did I make you angry, happy, sad, relieved, anything at all?

You: Well, yes... but I come, I read, I get out. You are just gonna have to live with that!

Me: pppllleeeassseee! Just let me know you understand, liked it, hated it, don't get it, SOMETHING! sniff sniff

You: Nope, not gonna do it. I. don't. like. you. So there!

Me: tear, sniff, hiccup... okay... I get it... you don't have to spell it out for me... you come to get your giggle on, then leave me in the dust. Okay. sniff sniff, go ahead and comment on

LETTI'S Blog... see if I care!!! So There!!!

and.... scene...fade to black

People... don't let this happen in my head any more!!! It hurts!

The voices keep talking and no one answers!!!! AAAHHHHH!

Don't let me get me!

You DO NOT want to see other conversations I have with myself... it's scary!

So comment!!!

Grazie (thanks)

Ciao (bye)

I am overwhelmed again!

I am not one of those women that loves having a million things to do all the time.

I am a simple girl.

I just wanna get my kids to school,

come home,

do the shopping,

clean up a little,

get dinner started,

get the kids from school and chauffeur them around, get their homework going, and come home and watch whatever I taped on my DVR or read one of my books I have yet to read.

Lately, too many things have been thrown into the mix, and I can't see straight.

I get overwhelmed very, very easily. I like routine, and abhor change.

I know... sounds boring... but I am what I am, to quote Popeye.

The transition from "not a Mama" to "Mama" threw me into a terrible tail spin. I cried everyday for 3 weeks from the baby blues when William was born. I wanted everyone on the planet to go away except William and me. I eventually snapped out of it when I got 4 hours of sleep in a row one day.

It actually got easier for me as I had each child.

I feel like I just can't do it all. I know it is my own fault. I let the kids play everything they want. That, isn't my problem, its all the extra things other people want me to do. I feel badly saying no, but I do... often.

No, I can't go out to dinner during the week.

No, I can't play Bunco.

No, I can't join the crochet club, even though I really want to!

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I am ssssooooo looking forward to this summer! Homework, sports, school, everything slows down!

I am going to have smart dinner parties, at least 2 times per month, wanna come?

I am going to join that crochet club!

I might even play a game of Pictionary or two!

I am going to have a Belini Party!!!

Okay, I'm done ranting now... whew... I feel much better!

Ciao