Writers Workshop

MamaKat had some doozies this week. I chose two... but we'll see how long the first one is, and if it's too long, I'll only write on one.

***

Write about an interaction with a salesman.

***

I live in a cute, quiet (most of the time) neighborhood.

It's a Cul-de-sac, and I am at the very center of it, in the part that is round.

We get a lot of solicitors around here... Mormon boys, Jehovah's witnesses, our little local churches, kids selling candy etc... you know.. the normal stuff.

I am a stay at home Mama, going on 15 years now, in this very house.

We have lived in this house 16 years.

NEVER in my lifetime... have I EVER encountered a 'salesman' like the one I am going to tell you about... before or since.

***

It's just a regular day, the kids are all at school, I was watering my backyard garden, when I heard the doorbell ring.

Something inside me told me to just let it go... but I'm one of those people that can't let phones ring or doorbells chime without wanting to know who it is.

I NEVER, EVER answer the door before asking who it is, and looking out my window.

My hands were wet, and my feet were grassed up.

I peeked out the window and asked who it was.

He says, "Hello Ma'am... my name if Pete, and I've got a great new product to share with you, if you would just open the door and let me tell you about it,I'm sure you'll be so happy you did!"

My reply... from my window, so he could see me

"Oh, I am sorry Pete... I'm in the middle of tending to my garden, my feet are dirty and my hands are a mess, I won't be able to spend time today... I'm so sorry..."

Then... silence.

Nothing...

for

about 30 seconds.

Then this...

'OH! I SEE HOW IT IS! A BLACK MAN COMES TO YOUR DOOR, AND IT'S ALL, NO,YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME... I'M A WHITE WOMAN... A BLACK MAN IS TRYIN' TO MAKE A LIVIN' AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY? I SEE HOW IT IS... OKAY... OKAY...

YOU KNOW WHAT... *%tch! I DON'T NEED YOU!"

Then I was silent.

nothing...

for

about 3o seconds...

Then he started walking off... not to the next door neighbors house... but up the street off the cul-de-sac.

I ran and cleaned up my feet and hands, and quite frankly, put on a bra... 'cause I don't wear one around the house when I'm alone... (yeah, there's a tidbit of info for ya!) and I GOT INTO MY CAR AND CAUGHT UP TO HIS BUTT!

I was MORTIFIED!

How DARE he call me a racist!

I'M THE LEAST RACIST PERSON I KNOW!

I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR A PERSON IS... IT'S WHAT IS ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS IN MY BOOK!

I pulled right up next to him and just stared at him until he stopped walking.

Then he said "Lady, I don't need this right now!"

I was DONE!

Here's what I said...

"YOU SAID YOUR PIECE..AND I LISTENED... NOW HEAR MINE... BUDDY!

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

YOU COME TO MY DOOR, AND IN 30 SECONDS YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT ME AND MY VIEWS ON LIFE? No way!

HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A RACIST!

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN JESUS AND I WOULDN'T HAVE OPENED THE DOOR AT THAT MOMENT! YOU GOT ME?

DON'T YOU DARE BRING YOUR SKIN COLOR INTO THE MIX... 'CAUSE I HAVE FOUGHT AGAINST RACISM FOR MORE YEARS THAN YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE... YOU CHILD!

You want to sell cleaning products? BE RESPECTFUL! All you had to do was ask when a better time would have been, or for referrals...

AND QUITE FRANKLY... PETE... NO WOMAN SHOULD ANSWER THE DOOR TO A STRANGER...BLACK, WHITE, PURPLE, OR OTHERWISE!

You've got problems.. Pete.. and it isn't your skin color... your skin color is God given and is a gift... your tongue is a gift too, and yours is forked... dude.

How would your Mama feel about how and what you said to me?"

He put his head down... and quietly apologized.

He said he had been turned down by every single house.

I told him sales was a numbers game, the more houses you go to, the better your chances.

I told him he looked very good, was dressed well, and had a nice voice... but got a little too

Farakhan with me. He needed to be selling something better, like cars, or medical stuff.

Spray cleaner was not going to make him a success...

but he needed to work on his attitude and temper first and foremost.

We both calmed down... and he apologized again.

I forgave him, and told him how lucky he was that he got me and not some crazy lunatic of a woman. He laughed and said no one had ever chased him down with a car before.

He went about his business and walked up another street.

And I became the proud owner of 3 bottles of Miracle Clean... guaranteed to lift, sanitize and deodorize any stain... for the rest of my born days.

Pete... I hope you are a millionaire now... come to my door now... I'll open it... I'm not gardening today!

***

Yeah, I know... in hindsight, I SHOULDN'T have followed him... what if he (AND NOT BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN... white people commit crimes too... remember Timothy MCVeigh?) had a weapon or was trying to lead me out... I know how stupid it was to do that with ANYONE... MAN, WOMAN, WHITE, BLACK, ORANGE , POLKA DOT...

But I was NOT going to allow someone to leave my house thinking that about me.

No way!