Friday the 13th.
My very Last Day I will ever be in my 30's.
I can no longer... after today... fill in the blank on applications that ask my demographic age, that says "Are you between the ages 25-39?".
I will now be a member of the 40 club...
AND I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY ABOUT IT!
I have a clarity at this age, I never had in my twenties or early thirties.
I like who I am more now than I ever have before. I truly wish this type of feeling existed
in the teen years. So many girls could use it.
I was outspoken and uninhibited before... but in the last year, it has intensified.
Lots of stuff still bugs me, but not like it used to. I've learned to internalize some things and contemplate more and use other avenues and mediums to express myself.
I've realized it really isn't all about me... and it's okay. In fact... it's better than okay... it is the way it is supposed to be.
This year, I finally understand the "My Mom is my friend" sentence. Don't get me wrong... she's still my Mama, but tomorrow we are going on a luxurious Limosine ride to Victoria Gardens, and when she asked me what friends I wanted with me... I really only wanted her to be with me. She is the reason I'm even here. I, like everyone else did with their Mama, lived in her womb for 9 months and she could have really messed me up... but she didn't.
For the sheer fact that she gave birth to me, for the sheer fact that my Daddy helped make me, uniquely me, I owe them both everything. If they were still married, I would want both of them with me tomorrow.
I remember being in my 20's and thinking I had to voice my opinion about every little thing that came up, at work, at home, with Bill, at school... everything, and everywhere.
My 30's were spent getting my kids brainwashed and safe from the worlds evils, (that job will never, I fear, be finished).
I have a distinct course I would like my 40's to go in.
No, I will not loosen my reigns on my men. Give an inch, take a mile and all that...
but I know that I will have to start letting them spread their wings a little more and test out if the roots Bill and I have tried to give them will make way for lovely new wings.
From 40 - 50 my children will be going from ages 14-24, 12-22, and 9-19. Lots of transitions in those years. I pray they are smooth, lovely, good and true transitions, without too many bumps along the way.
I want to learn to enjoy my Husband more. I have been really wrapped up in raising and being "Mama" to our awesome men, and sometimes, Bill gets leftover "me". That's not fair to him, and I am going to spend my 40's reminding Bill how much I love him, and thank God every day for him, and could never ask for a better hubby... even though he SUCKS around my Birthday every single year. One of these days, as a funny post, I am going to write down how he spent my Birthdays, without me, and what he said. NOW, I can look back and laugh, but when I was 27? Nope, no laughter then. None at all.
I want to start doing things just for me... too. Joining a work out group, taking some law classes or speech and debate classes. I want to still be able to be an at home Mama too.
I feel like these boys need me more now than they EVER did when they were little.
But I also want to be an entrepeneur, and create my own company.
That has always been a burning passion of mine,
and I feel like now, this time of my life, is the perfect season for it. I feel like I can create , do, conquer,and fulfill whatever I put my mind too!
What a gift!
I want to use my 40's wisely, help others that don't feel like this. Teach others to say, do, be who they really are. No, I don't want to be some Oprah-esque guru, just help others... period.
I was all upset that I wasn't going to spend my last day in my 30's with a bang. I was lamenting about not going out in style, and flair, and with a loud, brash send off to my formative years.
Then I realized... I'm 40 now.
I know who I am,
I know who I was,
I know who I will become.
I don't need to do it loud... I don't need to do it brash,
and I don't need to do it at all, if I don't want to!
So I am going to spend it swimming with my boys, and having a fire in our fire pit, and roasting hotdogs over the flames. We will talk, laugh, hang out
and enjoy each others company.
And I will be 39 years old when we make those memories.
Tomorrow begins an entirely new chapter...
But I only have today, so I'm going to spend it with three of the four men I love most in this world. (Daddy has to work tonight)
Happy Evening Everyone.
I love you.
I hope you love you too.