To the Drug Dealers down the street - We are all still watching you. Your business may have slowed down when the new high school construction started, and after your last arrest... but we will never rest until you are off our street... Oh, and tell your drop out, tatted up, druggie sons to stop "pretending" to try to run my kids over when my kids are riding their bikes I know you have no money, no insurance, and can't afford court fees if ANYTHING, EVEN ONE HAIR on my kids head is harmed. You are dirt bags, trailer trash scum buckets that will NOT win... ever!
***
To my Mama and Papa... oh how I wish you hadn't gotten divorced when I was 22. It was so very difficult on all of us. I wish my kids could see their Nonno and Nonna TOGETHER, at the same time. All our lives would have been sooo different. Bill feels the same way about his parent's divorce too.
***
To Bill, I love you. You are the BEST man I have ever met... hands down. BUT... I am putting a moratorium on you doing anymore construction projects on this house as long as I am living in it.You are just plain too slow. I know you know what you are doing, and, yes, you do it better than anyone else... but I can't wait a year for a new bathroom. I just can't.
***
To the lady at Costco checking my reciept at the door - YES, I HAVE TO USE THE RE USABLE BAGS! That does NOT mean you need to REMOVE my items from said bags to make sure I'm not smuggling the extra gargantuan sized laundry detergent out in my reusable bags... Deal with it... I don't steal, and you don't need to remove my goodies. Just mark the stupid receipt and let me on my merry way. Thank you.
***
Hey buddy! TEXTING WHILE DRIVING IS AGAINST THE LAW IN CALIFORNIA! Oh yeah... buckethead... IT ALSO DANGEROUS!!! There is a special place in hell for you!
***
To the idiot in the car next to me BOOMING his $10,000 stereo in his $500 Sentra...
Are you freaking kidding me? My fillings in my teeth are rattling! The metal on my car is shaking, and you look incredulous when an ambulance comes whizzing by you, and YOU ARE MAD AT THE DRIVER? You deaf doornail... TURN THE STEREO DOWN AND GET INVOLVED IN YOUR DRIVING!
***
That's it. I only have 9.
Whew... that felt good. I can feel my blood pressure lowering now.
Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out...
HEY... GET YOUR DOG OFF MY LAWN, HE CAN POOP ON YOUR LAWN!!!
Ugh... I can't win...
You. Crack. Me. up! I loved your list, especially the special place in hell and 10k to 500 bucks reference, Oh how I see that all the time. It's even funnier since I work in insurance and constantly see people come in with a $500 car and ask if the stereo is covered! Depends...was the accident due to the stereo? HA
ReplyDeleteSee - letting it out by saying it means you didn't have it all stored up to write about. Guess you'll have to find more people to be annoyed with or hold it in and let it simmer. {*grin*}
ReplyDeletePeople never listen when we warn them about a deadbeat! You CAN'T FIX him! Now they are crying on my shoulder during their divorce and it is so hard not to say I told you so. I even offered one time to my cousin minutes before we walked her down the aisle. I was the MOH and I still said, "Seriously? You want to do this? Because my truck is right outside and we can blow this popcicle stand right now." Divorce.
ReplyDeleteI was just laughing about the idiots at the store when I use my canvas bags. How some have put stuff in plastic bags and when I pointed out my bags they just put them bag and all into my canvas bag or worse put the stuff in the canvas bag and thrown away the plastic bag. AHHHH! One guy looked at my canvas bag and said, "You want your groceries in this?" Too easy dude, way too easy!
Thanks for the laughs! :-)
you are hilarious! I am so happy I found your blog today. I couldn't decide out of the 9 which one was my favorite :)
ReplyDeleteYes my dear...I think you could probably write a book of these letters just from your snack bar stories, LOL!
ReplyDeleteI love this post and I'm sure you feel better, just like I did. You'll have to stop by and see which letter we both wrote!
I LOVE YOU!!!! This was an awesome post!!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome list!! The pooping dog one really made me laugh. That is a KILLABLE offense in our neighborhood. People better not SEE a dog owner leave a steaming gift from their pooch. People will kill over it!!
ReplyDeleteHallie :)
Is it possible that we have the same postal carrier and Costco receipt checker? Can it be? LOL
ReplyDeletethose were great and all of us need to hear that kind of honesty and forget about getting offended. I'm there with you and the stereo loudness. We were stopped at a signal next to such a stereo owner and my kids were asking what that was. I explained and then my 4 year old son says, "that noise makes my bottom shake and tickle." Maybe I should have yelled out the window and asked if it did the same to the driver.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I know what you mean on the dead beat thing...unfortunately my brother is one. My favorite though has to be the one about the kid in the $500 car with the $10,000 radio...unfortunately this is my brother too.......
ReplyDeleteI love it!!! It made me laugh :) My mail man does the same thing and its my stupid neighboors that park their car and leave their crap in front of my mail box
ReplyDeletemelissa over from mama kats
http://crayoninmydryer.blogspot.com
Loved your list! I actually picked the same one.
ReplyDeleteStupid mail man who seems to have lost the use of his legs. UGH
What is up with that Costco receipt checker. She is everywhere. Do people really try to steal the bundles on 100 rolls of toilet paper?
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh, I love this list. You speak the truth. Brought the giggles
ReplyDeleteYou're hilarious! I see nothing wrong with being honest.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice to SIL! I hope she takes it.
ReplyDeleteHaHaHa! The $10,000 stereo is too funny! I . . . can't . . . "breafe!"
ReplyDeleteThats the second one today that talked about texting and driving. Some people are just idiots I guess.
ReplyDeleteThat was hysterical. You totally made my day.
ReplyDeleteI love your list. I seriously can not get over these texters. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? : ( grrrrrrrrrrrr
ReplyDeleteUgh....our mailman sits and honks if the neighbors truck is too close to our mailbox. It doesn't cover it just if it is too close. SERIOUSLY get out of the damn jeep and take those three steps to the mailbox. It is YOUR job to deliver the mail after all! Great post!
ReplyDelete