Writer's Workshop 8-6-09

Diagnose yourself...What sort of syndrome do you have?

That's the Writer's Workshop Question I picked.

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As you probably already know... I tend to have Foot IN Mouth Syndrome.

I am also getting a touch of the "Because I just said so!" plague,

and I think I might have a chronic case of Mama Tourette's.

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I know, I know... all of YOUR kids are perfect.

You love the summer time with your angels sents from heaven on white puffy clouds,

all the squeals of delight when the food jar is open, Sesame Street is still a staple in the house, there is still a "bathtime" and "naptime", and just taking away something simple like...

a toy, or having a time out will suffice in the punishment area.

Oh... those days are fleeting ladies... enjoy them now... don't blink, as the song says...

because soon... they are TEENS!

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Don't get me wrong...You all know I am a VERY "no nonsense" Mama, and don't (won't) tolerate much in the way of disrespect or talking back. I have basically pretty good boys, so far...

I keep a pretty tight leash on 'em, that's for sure.

But holy crap...I really and truly feel they need me more NOW than they did when they were babies!!! Babies are pretty resilient... feed 'em, change 'em, bathe 'em, love 'em, play with 'em and that's the basic day... pure joy!

But teens... they need, or think they need, sooo much!

Cell phones, Ipods, computers notwithstanding... they are emotional mind fields... YES... even boys! Whoever said that only girls go throught hormonal upheavals, either clearly only have daughters, or are just plain ignorant.

The problem with boys and their hormones are... THEY DON'T TALK at first! You have to pry everything out of them, no matter what it is! Once they get going it's okay... but initally, they are tough to crack! Girls talk incessantly about anything and everything... (I adore my nieces... but holy cow... only for an hour or so...

then I just want a very, very LOOOOONG Island Iced Tea.

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Boys don't know whether they are coming or going at the tender age of 13 and 15. Their feet are too big for their bodies, they grow every single day, their faces erupt, they eat double their weight in cereal every morning, and take to drinking out of the gallon milk jug.

On top of that... GOD FORBID A GIRL COMES INTO THEIR VISION! Then they

can't even talk and walk at the same time!

The bedrooms doors are closed more than they are open these days, and I hear lots of whispering between brothers.

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I thank God above my boys, are so far, very, very, very open with me... and I with them.

I have no problem at all talking about sex, their changing bodies, girls etc...

So far, it doesn't occur to them to be embarrassed about any of it when talking with me or Bill.

I always add in the addendum that intimacy should be a very, very, very long way off for them, and to not even consider it in high school. I tell them stories of the troubles and worries of being too intimate too soon, especially in high school. Let's hope they heed our warnings and, eh.. er... um.. BRAINWASHING!

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So... back to my syndrome, plague, and Tourettes!!!

I repeat, threepeat, eleventypeat, myself a zillion times a day.

I HATE REPEATING MYSELF!

I KNOW kids have SELECTIVE HEARING... but come on!

But why is it they ALWAYS hear me when Dinner's ready, or it's time to go to a party?

Why?

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My Foot in Mouth is even worse.

Because we are so open at home... I forget my boys don't want me to be so "Open" in public.

So, yeah, a couple of times, I slipped a piece of info in public that was meant to stay at home.

I truly just slipped... and have really tried to watch myself since then.

It took a little while to gain back their trust.

It wasn't earth shatteringly embarassing, but it was enough... poor guys...

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My Mama Tourette's is awful.

I find myself talking to myself, saying words at random, just to blow off steam.

Sometimes I get so steamed, I literally start to twitch.

When I told the Pediatrician, he laughed... I expected a prescription.

He laughed again.

I gave him the Italian Eye.

I'm almost done with his VooDoo doll.

Once, I was driving the kids to school, and I started to just rant, talking to the windsheild, talking in third person, having a complete two way conversation with myself...oblivious to

my staring boys.

They informed me they were in the car with me... and I snapped out of it.

I totally forgot they were there.

When they stopped laughing, William put his hand on my shoulder and said...

"Mom, you need to go home and take a long nap... You need some "you" time..."

William gets everything in the Will... when it's my time to head to the pearly gates.

That was a sweet thing to say.

Not 5 seconds after he said that, they started arguing again.

My boys are not the classic first born, middle child, and baby.

They all act like the Alpha Dog, and first borns.

I gave birth to three first born children.

THEY don't have the syndromes...

ONLY I DO!

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Does Calgon work?

Does it really take you away?