Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Writer's Workshop 8-6-09

Diagnose yourself...What sort of syndrome do you have?
That's the Writer's Workshop Question I picked.
As you probably already know... I tend to have Foot IN Mouth Syndrome.
I am also getting a touch of the "Because I just said so!" plague,
and I think I might have a chronic case of Mama Tourette's.
I know, I know... all of YOUR kids are perfect.
You love the summer time with your angels sents from heaven on white puffy clouds,
all the squeals of delight when the food jar is open, Sesame Street is still a staple in the house, there is still a "bathtime" and "naptime", and just taking away something simple like...
a toy, or having a time out will suffice in the punishment area.
Oh... those days are fleeting ladies... enjoy them now... don't blink, as the song says...
because soon... they are TEENS!
Don't get me wrong...You all know I am a VERY "no nonsense" Mama, and don't (won't) tolerate much in the way of disrespect or talking back. I have basically pretty good boys, so far...
I keep a pretty tight leash on 'em, that's for sure.
But holy crap...I really and truly feel they need me more NOW than they did when they were babies!!! Babies are pretty resilient... feed 'em, change 'em, bathe 'em, love 'em, play with 'em and that's the basic day... pure joy!
But teens... they need, or think they need, sooo much!
Cell phones, Ipods, computers notwithstanding... they are emotional mind fields... YES... even boys! Whoever said that only girls go throught hormonal upheavals, either clearly only have daughters, or are just plain ignorant.
The problem with boys and their hormones are... THEY DON'T TALK at first! You have to pry everything out of them, no matter what it is! Once they get going it's okay... but initally, they are tough to crack! Girls talk incessantly about anything and everything... (I adore my nieces... but holy cow... only for an hour or so...
then I just want a very, very LOOOOONG Island Iced Tea.
Boys don't know whether they are coming or going at the tender age of 13 and 15. Their feet are too big for their bodies, they grow every single day, their faces erupt, they eat double their weight in cereal every morning, and take to drinking out of the gallon milk jug.
can't even talk and walk at the same time!
The bedrooms doors are closed more than they are open these days, and I hear lots of whispering between brothers.
I thank God above my boys, are so far, very, very, very open with me... and I with them.
I have no problem at all talking about sex, their changing bodies, girls etc...
So far, it doesn't occur to them to be embarrassed about any of it when talking with me or Bill.
I always add in the addendum that intimacy should be a very, very, very long way off for them, and to not even consider it in high school. I tell them stories of the troubles and worries of being too intimate too soon, especially in high school. Let's hope they heed our warnings and, eh.. er... um.. BRAINWASHING!
So... back to my syndrome, plague, and Tourettes!!!
I repeat, threepeat, eleventypeat, myself a zillion times a day.
I KNOW kids have SELECTIVE HEARING... but come on!
But why is it they ALWAYS hear me when Dinner's ready, or it's time to go to a party?
My Foot in Mouth is even worse.
Because we are so open at home... I forget my boys don't want me to be so "Open" in public.
So, yeah, a couple of times, I slipped a piece of info in public that was meant to stay at home.
I truly just slipped... and have really tried to watch myself since then.
It took a little while to gain back their trust.
It wasn't earth shatteringly embarassing, but it was enough... poor guys...
My Mama Tourette's is awful.
I find myself talking to myself, saying words at random, just to blow off steam.
Sometimes I get so steamed, I literally start to twitch.
When I told the Pediatrician, he laughed... I expected a prescription.
He laughed again.
I gave him the Italian Eye.
I'm almost done with his VooDoo doll.
Once, I was driving the kids to school, and I started to just rant, talking to the windsheild, talking in third person, having a complete two way conversation with myself...oblivious to
my staring boys.
They informed me they were in the car with me... and I snapped out of it.
I totally forgot they were there.
When they stopped laughing, William put his hand on my shoulder and said...
"Mom, you need to go home and take a long nap... You need some "you" time..."
William gets everything in the Will... when it's my time to head to the pearly gates.
That was a sweet thing to say.
Not 5 seconds after he said that, they started arguing again.
My boys are not the classic first born, middle child, and baby.
They all act like the Alpha Dog, and first borns.
I gave birth to three first born children.
THEY don't have the syndromes...
Does Calgon work?
Does it really take you away?


  1. Oh, the food my son puts away! He eats every two hours, it's like having an infant in the house. My zillionpeat every day? "You just ate! Get out of the refrigerator!"

    He inhales his food - within 15 minutes, he's asking me what he can have for a snack!

  2. LOL! You always make me laugh. I swear even though I have never ever heard your voice I hear you when I read ( oh no! Now I'm hearing voices!!) I read your posts really fast. I don't know if that is how you talk but I love it.

  3. You're hilarious Saundra....and i MISS YOU!!!

  4. Great entry. Thanks for the laughs. I needed them this morning. I have one son and I always thought that the emotional rollercoaster would come in his pre-teens to teen years, not now at age 4 1/2 {almost 5}. It's been like living with a 13 y.o. old girl. An emotional basketcase and drama queen {reminds me of my sister back in the day}. I hope this isn't a forecast for 5. I can't handle a whole year of this attitude. Take care.

  5. I love the tourette's... used to say I had it with my ex-husband, cause I could not stop myself from going off on the man... I'd offer you some of my Lithium-Valium IV, but I don't share needles... if you have one of your own you can hook into my big-bag-of-mind-numbing-drugs though. :-)

  6. Oh, poor's almost here! And the selective hearing, that's a male won't get any better, LOL!

  7. OMG - I just stopped over from Mama Kat's blog and I'm so glad I did! You truly made me laugh out loud! I will definitely come back to visit!

    ~ Jennifer

  8. I think I have some of these syndromes. Are there any known cures? I'm considering xanax

  9. Oh great thanks for busting my bubble when it came to me being grateful that I only had boys...AND for the fact that eventually they will be TEENS! *sigh*

  10. I have to read your blog just so I know what's coming up with my soon to be teen son!!! Although... after raising a daughter, not too much scares me. My son is a gazillion times sweeter and calmer than my daughter EVER was!

  11. Oh man am I in trouble! My little 4 yr old is eating constantly already, the little runt only weighs 40 pounds but I would say he eats that much in a day. He is constantly telling me he is starving.

    I already long for the naptime, and time outs that worked. We are in our rebellious 4's stage.

    Thanks for the laugh. It really helped lighten my day.

  12. I have to be completely honest and say that the thought of Kaishon turning into a teenager worries me! It sounds like you are doing a great job though! I love that : ) Good Mama's are priceless!


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