I hate liars because I was lied to a lot growing up.
I'm not gonna say who lied, but rest assured I learned how to distrust things said to me
because of it. It has helped to make me an uber cynic. That's both good and bad.
Good.. because I'm nobody's fool now... I can see a lie from across the country.
Bad... because I assume EVERYONE IS lying to me.
***
I have a lot of distrust of friends these days, because of what a friend did a couple of years ago.
She had an affair on her hubby, and USED ME AS HER SCAPEGOAT... unbeknownst to me.
When her husband called me to rake me over coals for 'covering up' for her for the past year,
I was flabbergasted! I had no clue she was sleeping around, nor did I know she was using me as her alibi. She was my BEST FRIEND... and obviously she wasn't the same person with me, that she was in front of everyone else.
She even used my house, when I was in Italy for a month with my family, as her "LOVE PAD".
That'll teach me to never give anyone other than family keys to my house to water plants, take care of my dogs, and water my garden. Next time, I'll kennel the dogs, buy new plants when I get home, and put my garden on automatic water.
Needless to say, we are no longer friends... and I miss the friendship we had... but I don't miss all the drama that came with her friendship.
***
I have a hot Italian temper. Like the song sorta says... "I got it from my Papa!" I truly did.
He and I are 0-60 in 2.2 seconds.
It takes exactly NOTHING to set me off. Wait.. that's actually no longer true... the older I get, I find that I am getting less and less combative, and more "whatever" in my attitude.
I was hell on wheels in my 20's.
I was too busy with baby's and toddlers in my 30's...
and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my 40's. I'm more Zen now... LOL! But don't ask my hubby... he'll say I'm sooo not! But I am... I really am!!!
shut up!
***
I've always had really, really high self esteem.
No matter that I'm overweight... I still love me. My attitude is that if you DON'T LOVE ME TOO... it's YOUR problem... not mine.
I don't feel "less than a woman" or "out of place" because of how I look.
I am comfortable with WHO I am, and I always have been.
I owe that to my Mama. SHE isn't comfortable with herself as far as her looks go, BUT she made sure I didn't follow in those footsteps, and ALWAYS built me up. I owe my positive outlook on myself a little bit to her. She also... NEVER put herself down in my presence when I was a child.
Don't get me wrong... I don't love myself like to say...
"I'm the best... or... I Adore ME!".. I just mean that I accept and love myself where I am at...
don't feel the need to beat myself up... there are plenty of people in the world to do that for or to me... I don't need to contribute to it.
Every pound I have gained that I don't need, I feel like gave me a new sense of self that I wouldn't have had if I had stayed thinner.
Now that I am losing it, and know that my back won't put me in traction ever again, and my kids are older now and I can start putting myself back on my list... I will emerge a whole new person that I was supposed to be. Life is an evolution... and I must look at my weight as a necessary evil that I went through... and I am on my way to a different evolution. A healthy, energetic, healed-back woman... with a good 50 years ahead of her.
No sense looking in the past... there's no going back and changing it. I just choose to learn from it, and find the things that were wonderful and move forward...
I owe that to my parents... they are perserverance personified.
***
So that's me... a liar hating, Hot headed, 40+, mellowing out, weight losing, still loving herself where she is...
woman.
I wish only happiness and self love for you too.
Life is too short to put yourself down... there are 7 billion others on the planet ready to take that job... you have to love you.
God don't make no junk.
"God don't make no junk"
ReplyDeletei love it.
it's so true. :)
Oh my goodness, I can't believe your friend put you in that situation. Not cool!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wretched not a friend!! I really enjoyed hearing about the parts of you and loved the 0 to 60 comment. I agree that you do mellow as you get older. I now go from 0 to 30. LOL Thanks! Here from Mama Kat.
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude! Great post.
ReplyDeleteSee my response to Mama Kat HERE.
Carolina (aka CJ @ProArtz)
Glad you liked the prompt! Great post too!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post. I just got home from an aerobics class, and was feeling pretty lousy about myself. I compare myself/body way too much with others. I so want to find that inner peace/love with myself and my body. It is a constant battle, but you reminded me that it's whats inside that defines true beauty.
ReplyDelete