Thursday, January 17, 2008

SNIP... SNIP... CRY!!!!

Well... I've gone and done it again. I've done something before thinking it through. I was watching Oprah last night around midnight, I taped her show yesterday. I wanted to see what Marion Jones had to say. Well... I fell asleep during, and woke up when the writer of "Juno" was on the screen. She had severely black hair and very, very short bangs. Really cute on her. She's young, has no wrinkles, and I'm sure she colors her hair because it is fun for her, not a necessity. But I digress...
I did my usual morning routine this morning... got the kids up and ready for school, made their lunches, drove them to school, drank copious amounts of caffiene, ate an egg white and veggie omelet (yes, I am watching the calories, that is a totally different blog issue), laundry, dusting, checking e mail, calling hosts and customers, then I got my shower.
Those of you that know me in person know that I have long hair. As it tumbles out of my towel so I can spray the gallon of Infusium it takes to detangle the mess, my mind flashes to that Diablo chick that wrote "Juno". Then I looked at myself in my vanity mirror, and saw deep crevasses in my forehead. It's not that they weren't there for the last 5 years or so, but today, the light was juussst right, and I could swear I could see the Colorado River cutting a canyon into my forehead. Am I going to get Botox? Are you kidding? HECK NO!!! NOT ONLY DO I NOT LIVE IN ORANGE COUNTY, BUT DON'T YOU THINK BEFORE I SHOT POISON INTO MY FOREHEAD, I WOULD AT LEAST LOSE A FEW POUNDS??? puhhlleeze. Even if I weighed the 98 lbs everybody is supposed to weigh these days, Botox is not on my list of must do's, in fact, it isn't even on the list. (yahoo for those of you that love the stuff, it just isn't for me.)
So in the spirit of loving myself where I am... I decided to keep repeating the mantra I have told countless other women when they are lamenting about lines on their faces. I looked in the mirror and said "Saundra, those lines on your forehead are remants of years of happiness, laughter and surprise. Look at them lovingly and remember all the good times they represent." I have ONE word for that...
When I stopped laughing and came to... I decided that I needed to do a little something to remedy the situation with as little invasiveness as possible. I was going to apply some cream that I shoved to the back of my vanity drawer that promises to plump up the skin where lines are. Well, Lord knows I don't need anymore plumping of my skin :). Then the light caught something else on my forehead. A long, white, zebra/skunk like line on my hairline. People!!! I just colored my hair last week before Cincy!!! What is going on!!! If I am going through a growth spurt... why couldn't it be a spurt upward to like... 10 ft tall, so I can be the right height for my weight???
So that was it! I pulled open a drawer, reached in and pulled out a...
Before I get to that, let me give you a little insight. My Mama is a HAIRDRESSER! FOR 35 YEARS!!! I have NEVER had anyone touch my hair but her... and my hubby when I need a little 1 inch trim off the length. Bill adores long hair and loves mine. He begs me to never cut it. He is so cute about it. My Mother on the other hand, wants me to cut it to a length more appropriate for my age. Namely, a short do, with wispy ends, OH and she thinks I should also go into a honey blonde color so I don't have the skunk thing happening all the time. WHATEVER! But, the reason Bill cuts my length is because my Mom's idea of one inch is more like 4 inches on my head. She doesn't do that to anyone else but me. Why? Because she can. She's my Mama!
So I reach in a pull out a pair of scissors. Yes... I know! AND you wanna know what?? They aren't the really cool professional scissors specifically for hair that Mama bought me last year... Nnnoooo! I pull out a cheap pair of dull ones that I have once cut roses and herbs with! Yep...I took those stupid things and hacked off 4 inches of bangs! I HAVE BANGS PEOPLE!!! JUST LIKE THAT DIABLO CHICK ON OPRAH! Okay, no, not that severe, BUT STILL!!!! I Haven't had bangs since... I don't remember when!!!
Dudes!!! I have curly hair. I forgot how it bounces shorter when it is cut!!! So I started drying my hair with the hair dryer and up... up...up... it went. I can now be an honorary member of the Buster Brown Club! Maybe I can grow my eyebrows really long and I comb them up to meet my stupid BANGS!!! I HAVE BANGS!!!
Am I on Candid Camera? Did someone slip "stupid elixir" into my java?
Hey, but you know what??? My lines are gone and you can't see my gray hair anymore!
(how long do you think it will take for them to grow out?) (sigh)


  1. Best blog entry of the day!!! I'm still laughing, you are an incredible writer!!!
    Now you just need to talk all your close friends to cut their bangs, or maybe you could do it for them.
    heart, kath

  2. I bet it looks so cute on you. I can't wait to see it.

  3. It's not that bad... but it is weird getting used to it.

    Letti, let's give you some bangs???

    Thank you so much Kath!


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