Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I wish someone had told me...

I absolutely REFUSE to let the circumstances going on in my life to dictate my mood, mental health or outlook on life... therefore... I am going to do MamaKats writing prompt, and spend a little time "away" from problems.
So there, Ray... Living well is THE BEST REVENGE!
Neener freakin' Neener!
***
So here goes... I wish someone told me...
That being a Mother was such fantastic, horrifying, jubilant, exhausting, mind numbing at times job. It is such a Roller Coaster of a ride, this Motherhood thing.
***
I also wish someone told me...
That sometimes in marriage, that feeling of "new love" goes away, and is replaced with a deep
all encompassing love that goes beyond the "new love" phase. I wasted so much time worrying about not having that same pang of anticipation before seeing my husband after a long day or business trip. I have come to realize that it is okay, the love it still there, it's just taken on a different feeling... like respect, comfort, and that feeling of being each other's protector and cheerleaders in life.
***
I wish someone told me...
How debilitating and hurtful parent's divorce would be even after 18 years.
Bill and I were discussing the other night at dinner how different our lives and our children's lives would be if both set of parents had stayed married.
It is AWFUL every year around the holidays. So awful, we often take off and do our own thing
so no one gets their feelings hurt, including us.
And when the parents don't marry good people, it is even worse. No one can love your kids quite the same as a grandparent. The new spouses can try... but let's face it. They aren't their grandkids.
If our parents were still married to each other... our Holidays, and our lives would be so, so, so, very different. People with intact families have no idea how difficult it is to be pulled and used, and made to feel guilty, and all that other crap that comes along with divorce.
I know it sound selfish, and each parents thinks they are better off now than if they had stayed together... but I was 22 when my parents divorced. I felt like a 6 yr old.
I guess they did what they felt they needed too, but 22 years is a long time to figure something out.
***
I wish someone told me...
That as I aged, I would like myself more and more. That with age, truly comes wisdom.
I feel more deeply now, with less superficiality. I "get it" now. When I was 20 ish, women in their 40's were "old". No one told me to make sure and listen to the 40 and up crowd and gleen from their experience and knowledge. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.
I LOVE BEING A 40 yr OLD WOMAN!

17 comments:

  1. Wow this is an awesome post! One thing I find hard to do with these prompts is be deep or be serious. You make me want to give it a try!

    I spent my entire childhood dividing the holidays between my parents. It sucked then, it sucks now.

    I'm 41 and I too am loving my age. Well except for the stray hairs growing my my chin. Those aren't cool! :)

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  2. I loved your post..

    At first, I wanted to do a post like this too.. but everytime I wrote something down, I was like- someone has told me that.. I just wish I would have listened..

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  3. I wandered over from Mama Kat and, I love love love your post. I am newlywed and sometimes don't find myself with the eager anticipation of my husband's presence like I used too. I know now that I love him on more of a deeper level then the day he proposed. You couldn't of said it better. Great, amazing post!

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  4. You are fabulous! I loved reading your post and your previous one too. I was also in an accident with someone who tried to take advantage of me because I was nice.

    I hope Will recovers quickly and that Ray gets what he deserves.

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  5. I love your last paragraph...SO true ;) Well, I'm not 40 yet, but even in my thirties I try not to think of people as "old" even if they're older than me!

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  6. I love this post and think your intro applies. Life is what you choose to make it. And I agree. I turned 30 this year and thought, "Being grown up is kind of fun, who knew?"

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  7. love it! i did this prompt today, too! - it really makes you think, huh? (your blog is super cute :) )

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  8. LOVE your post! I contemplated doing this one too!!! I am lovin' your blog! I will definitely be a frequent reader! :)

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  9. Oh my goodness. Mr. AFRo and I were talking about the holidays yesterday and I was fussing about the stress that comes with his family. [His parents are divorced and mine are not]

    It is easier to deal with my family and a LOT less drama filled. I hate the drama. I just want to enjoy my holiday, but it never fails that his family will throw a kink in the plans somehow, someway.

    On the flip side, Mr. AFRo's stepdad adopted my two nephews almost 7 years ago and continues to raise them as his own. I concur that this is not the norm though.

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  10. Saundra this is a great post and by all the comments I am not the only one that thinks this.

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  11. OOOOHHH, I am so tickled you enjoyed it! I was really worried it was too "dark"...I'm usually not so gloomy.

    This week has proven to be one of trials and tribulations... and I just refuse to let it get me down.

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  12. WOW
    Awesome post! Are you my Italian twin??? I am also 40, also Italian but my parents are STILL seperated after 35 years! I also agree with how when our marriage ages, some things go away only to be replaced with something even better!
    Thanks for writing this! I am happy to have discovered your blog.

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  13. Great post. I'm there with you on the with age comes wisdom!

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  14. Nice Saundra. And to think, we still have deeper love to obtain and greater patience, knowledge and understanding. Looking forward to going through it together.

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  15. Great list! I've never thought about what a hassle that would be to be split between so many families. I would do exactly what you guys do and just skip it all. What a headache!

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