Sunday, February 8, 2009

Open Letter to Citibank

Dear Citibank,
I have been a member of our bank for 10 years now, and I have a couple of questions for you.
Before I get to those questions... I would like to reiterate some things I have noticed on my account.
I bank online, and it says on my statement, that I will be charged if I show up in person to deposit, withdraw, or even have a question for any living, breathing human being.
Really? Are you going to go there? Is that the money you spent when you bought your
You asked the Feds... hell, you asked ME for a portion of the bailout money Bush gave out in December, (I will be helping foot the bill whether I like it or not), and you spent 50 MILLION DOLLARS on a plane. Seriously? Did you go to Idiot University? What part of EVERYONE WILL FIND OUT AND CALL YOU OUT ON IT... didn't you understand?
You are just as bad as those Auto Guys showing up to beg for money in Gulfstreams... yeah.. rocket scientists...all of you.
So...I have a couple of questions for you...
Since I am part owner of your new Luxury Aircraft... I have three kids, and they all have birthdays coming up... and since I now own a new plane... I thought it would be great if you brought it here to California for us in May, June and July. Yep... you read that correctly... I'm gonna make a TIMESHARE outta the deal. You keep my money in your bank... use it to loan to dead beats like you have for the past 8 years, and I get to use the plane at my three boys birthdays. Sound like a plan? Don't worry. We'll be just as responsible with IT as you have been with our money. We'll fly down to Rio during Carnivale, or maybe to NYC with their closest friends to take in a great dinner and show and maybe a Yankee's game in the new stadium.
We'll make sure and have chocolate cake and ice cream on your new leather seats, and I might even make them clean it up... but I'm sure there is onboard staff for that sort of thing.
My second request is for my Anniversary. It's in October, and we usually go to our Timeshare in Vegas... but this year... I hankerin for a week in Hawaii. It's been so long since we've been there, and since you are gonna have your hands full with audits, and transparency under the fabulous Obama, you won't have time to use it...
So... Citibank... you've taken my money for asking questions, you've taken my money instanteously and erroneously and not given it back for weeks, at times... and now I am asking for a little payback.
The Gulfstream will do nicely. Thank you for that.
Oh... I'll be sharing this with other Citibank members, and I'm sure they have needs for the plane too.
Your co pilot and co owner of 50 million dollar plane...


  1. Brilliant - get this published in your local paper seriously!

  2. Yeah, let us know how quick Citibank responds to your letter (just don't hold your breath)....

  3. Oh my, I hate banks. At one point we took out all our money and put it on a green dot card, to bad we did that id love to own part of a 50 million$$$ plane. Oh i would take Lilly's advise and publish it in the local paper, heck even the NYtimes. something.

  4. You tell 'em! I thought they already caved to the bad press and canceled that order. Shoot.

  5. You my friend are a genius and so should mail that letter!! Every corporation that stood in line for the world's most insane bailout (don't get going on those in line for new craziness) should have a copy of your awesome amazing kick butt you are woman hear you roar letter!!

  6. I agree with your other commentors. You should publish that post. You have expressed the frustration of millions. Hmm...millions. Doesn't that mean they are outnumbered?

  7. AMEN to that mama!!! This is absolutely TRUE... I am tired of "bailing" these fools out, without reaping any of the benefits!!

    Hey-- come check out my,fun!!

  8. Amen Sista!!!
    I back that up 100%... hey, why dont you come to NorCal and visit me... I am sure they can fly you up here too~!


Comment! Comments! I just loooooove comments!
If you have a blog, I will come visit and comment on yours!!! I promise! No Anonymous comments though... if you can't play nice.. you can't play at all.