Monday, January 26, 2009

Trainwreck TV Monday... The Bachelor... no Deanna... again

Monday Night, on ABC, DID NOT disappoint...
This weeks episode was thrilling... I am speechless... okay.. I'm not... because that would be stupid on a blog... to be speechless I mean... Ahhh! I have soooo much to say!
I have a little bit of advice, commentary and okay, cattyness and unabashed "not so nice"things to say about some of these "ladies".
Let it be known... right now... I am a girl's girl. I love giving compliments to beautiful women, I don't hate women upon seeing them because they are gorgeous, I don't automatically assume someone is a slut just by looking at her... Ask my hubby... I am ALWAYS telling him how lovely or fantastic someone either looks or is when we are out.
THAT BEING SAID... I AM NOW GOING TO BASH THEM LIKE CRAZY!
Holy NERVOUS BREAKDOWN BATMAN!!!
Some of these girls are lunes!
Shannon -Holy Crap! STOP whitening your teeth... you have NO LIPS! You are alllll teeth! Two words Shannon... MAKE. UP. Use some. Embrace it. Make friends with the blush brush. Spend less money on the teeth, and a little on some Bare Escentuals "Tulip" blush.
Only $32... give me your address... I'll send you some!
And Shannon... here's how I spell stalker now...S.H.A.N.N.O.N. I hope you see yourself on the show and realize how CREEPY you are when you stare at the door or at someone who just walked in the door at 6 a.m..
YOU ARE ON THE BACHELOR... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU WOULD BE SHARING A MAN?
Clue: Don't beg a man to do anything. Gives them WAY too much power...
"I'm not letting you let me go... I want to come home to you... I want to be Tye's mother..."
Ya gotta go back to dating 101. You. Scare. Me.
***
Megan - He canned your A**!!! Ha ha!!! Neener Neener! Go talk trash on another show... like the one with the has been rocker or that one with the idiot with the clock as a necklace!
You are not a nice girl... do your baby a favor... don't tell him or show him the video of this part of your life. Ever.
***
Naomi said "Ascared" for scared. TWICE! and "LIKE" is not an adverb. You must have said it 1000 times in a minute. Like... I like you, like, and like You are so, like cute... blagh!!!!"
Grow up and use the English Language... go with it... be free to use "like" as the 'intro to a simile' it was meant to be now and then.
***
Lauren, Lauren, Lauren...Really? Telling him to give you the rose or else? Really?
You thought THAT was cute? In bed, maybe 3-4 years down the road, after a couple of kids, as an "added extra" to spice things up... you can be the Dominatrix Lauren... but on National TV?
Ummmmm. no. I know a lot of people from New Jersey... and they aren't like you... you give them a bad name. But... you are gone... so my work here is done.
***
Melissa... you are still my girl crush. I just think you and Jason are perfect. That is...of course... until Deanna comes and steals him away... I'm sorry Melissa... but you are the PERFECT candidate for the next Bachelorette! But... if Mamakat's sister is correct, and I have a sneaking suspicion she might be, Deanna, may just show up to give advice... in which case, you are my number one pick again. You are just too cute for words. If I were a guy... I'd be totally into you. If I "played for the other team" you would so be my type... but alas...
I like big, hairy, green eyed men named Bill, that snore incessantly and worry whether carrying a camera bag looks like a purse...(sigh)
***
Stephanie... you are not 34. You're not! 44, even 54... yes. Not 34.
Though you ARE lovely... you just can't be that age. And honey... men like subserviant women (I guess, having never been one... I can't speak from experience)... but come ON ALREADY! You are setting women back 100 years!
In an unreal, dreamy, southern accented voice you said someting like... "Well, if I were in love... I would just go with my man... anywhere he wanted... so we could be a family...together... always... forever... that's what I would do." Barf!
AND HE KEPT YOU!!!
WHY!!!
Even poor, nervous breakdown any moment Nikki, was better than you!
That girl is gorgeous! Nuts... but gorgeous. Those cameramen couldn't keep that camera off her
"twins"... although.. who could blame them.. they are SPECTACULAR!
***
Oh Deanna... come rescue Jason. Please. You are waiting far too long.
Make him cry... then get on with it, and propose TO HIM!
***
Readers... don't hate... I know she broke his heart... but we all make mistakes.
They are so cute together... but he does so fit with Melissa too.
***
I love this stupid, trainwreck of a show.
I sure hope my men never want to be on it.
The home date... would NOT BE PRETTY!
***
My two cents worth...
"Although this show gives men a very bad impression of women... it can still teach the youngin's what NOT to do... therefore... being a service to society as a whole... albeit a trainwreck... but still... a service."

23 comments:

  1. LOL hysterical. Thanks for the funny date!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think I like reading your summery better than I would like watching the show. Keep up the great funny run downs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL, I really enjoy your run down of the show!
    Your boys..never. They were raised better than that.;-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow I love this post, I know exactly what you mean. I was born in Jersey and yes Lauren does give people like me a bad rep ( even if I grew up mostly in the south)

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK I am so glad you watch that show! I never watch it and I think your blog is more fun than the actual show!!! You rock Italian Mama!!!

    carole
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I just may have to start watching this show. I am gettin into it from all these blogs about it every week.

    ReplyDelete
  7. yeah I have a serious problem now, who am i gonna make fun of now on my blog??? shame on abc to not leave one of them at least......lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. I really couldn't believe the stalker said she was going to french kiss her dog. I bet guys are lined up for a date when she gets home. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are so funnY! I haven't watched (I watch tonight on Bravo-The Real Housewives) and I sound like you after watching it! You are a stitch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love your commentaries on The Bachelor. I look forward to reading them each Tuesday!

    TOTALLY agree with you on everything. I really like Melissa. I also like Jillian. You were SPOT ON with those other looneys.

    I hope next week is the DeAnna week!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mandy @ me too!

    Ruby Red@ I watch that too, my hubby's boss lives down the street from Lori and George.

    April@ FRENCH KISS... sooooo gross, and yeah, she'll be married in a month!

    Lori... I know! I agree!

    Kristin@ YOU MUST!!!

    cAROLE@ yOu are too kind.

    Kate...Thank you

    H3...I agree about Lauren

    Becky, I will...

    Tutu...Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  12. YES! You know how to say it girl!

    Except I am still having a hard time with the Deanna part. Doesn't seem right for her to let him get on his knees, propose, and get slapped in the face with a big fat no and get a 2nd chance.

    Visiting from MamaKat's!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It *HAS* to be Melissa! They are so cute together! I hate to see what DeAnna is gonna add to the mix! Did you see Jason on Ellen when they talked about DeAnna. He had nothing bad to say, I wonder if they end up together? But I like Melissa! Ugh

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tatoo...yes, maybe about Deanna... but she could propose to HIM!

    Amy... love the name of your blog... I missed him on Ellen... maybe he and Deanna are friends now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm totally with you on Stephanie. (I'm bad with their names.) She looks old enough to be his mom. She's a cougar! The dental hygenist one, when she was eliminated, said she was going to go home and use her electric toothbrush... FREAK!

    ReplyDelete
  16. thanks for stopping by! i agree 100% with your recap.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Missed the train wreck this week!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Michelle@ outnumbered...Stephanie is too old for him... she is lying about her age.

    Jordan@ Thanks and you are welcome!

    Michelle @ ocm... that's okay... the recaps are fun too!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Stopping by from SITS. I must say Melissa is BY FAR my favorite this season. I am also waiting for DeAnna to show up! Is seemed like in the previews she came a lot earlier than this. as for Steph...agree she can in No way be 34, and her whispering voice DRIVES ME CRAZY!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. VERY funny...we share a lot of the same views, except i like Stephanie...i do NOT think they should be together and i agree she is lying about her age, but still i think she is darling...even with too much botox.

    Deanna had her chance, she seriously blew it!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I haven't watched it, but I'm loving it through you!

    ReplyDelete
  22. OMG! I don't even watch the show, but your posts about it are too entertaining!

    ReplyDelete

Comment! Comments! I just loooooove comments!
If you have a blog, I will come visit and comment on yours!!! I promise! No Anonymous comments though... if you can't play nice.. you can't play at all.